i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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