Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
