Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He? As in you personified your dick?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
