Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
