you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
