By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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