Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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