Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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