I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
