Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
