How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
