Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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