I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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