respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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