I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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