I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
