whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
