Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
