Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
