I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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