A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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