So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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