So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
