does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
