I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
