Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't put those talents on a resume
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
