I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
