You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
