It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
