yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
