Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
