Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I need to align my fucking chakras
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