she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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