I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
