Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
