Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
