thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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