He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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