Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
