So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
