I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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