bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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