you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
