Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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