I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
