he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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