if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
