Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
