i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Welp...herpes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
