Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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