I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
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Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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