do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
