A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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