Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
