its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
