he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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