Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
