If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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