we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
