doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
