Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
