His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
