just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
