My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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