we have officially lost it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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