the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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