My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
