My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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