Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
