Christians are straight up FREAKS
Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
