Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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