ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
