She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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