WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
