You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
