I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
