Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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