Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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