DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
