he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fuck appropriateness.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
