We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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