weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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