After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
