They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
