Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
