Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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