Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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